I’ve lived in Dallas, TX for 45 years. Over that time one thing has become crystal clear; there’s something in the air or the water or the ephemeral plasma that transforms this person:
Into this person:
Like I said, maybe it’s the water.
Whatever it is, (thankfully) it doesn’t affect everyone. Lots of people drive safely and actually live up to the Texas slogan “Drive Friendly”.
But some do not.
Some people not only consider all driving laws driving “suggestions”, some obviously consider them challenges to be overcome.
Red light? Can’t\won’t tell the difference between green\yellow\red.
To them all the lights mean scream through the intersection at the highest possible speed with zero regard for anyone.
Stop Sign? That means scream through the intersection at the highest possible speed with zero regard for anyone.
School crossing? That means scream through the intersection at the highest possible speed with zero regard for anyone.
School zone? Obviously one should scream through the intersection at the highest possible speed with zero regard for anyone.
Are you sensing a pattern?
Listing all the different ways these drivers destoy the very idea of safety would take more time than we have in this universe.
But it’s not the water, or the air, or anything like that.
You may have noticed that, in the good old USA we live by one seemingly pervasive concept: The world in yours and you must take it any way you can.
Me first, everyone else who the fuck cares.
Dallas culture is the same, just dialed up to Eleven.
Squared.
Making the horrifically bad choice to drive somewhere, anywhere in Dallas doesn’t just mean risking your life. It means risking the lives of everyone you have ever known.
Don’t know how that works but it’s right there in black and white so it must mean something.
In visiting other big cities in Texas and elsewhere it becomes very clear to someone accustomed to the terror driving in Dallas: These people are different.
San Antonio, TX is a very historic and beautiful place. And the people actually drive as they cared about their own lives and maybe others too.
Same in almost every other Texas city.
The solution:
This is the only one that makes sense to me:
That strange feeling you’re getting is the odd concept of safety.
Please ignore the previous post. It was made by some communist pedophile sex deviate dumbocrat trying to make me look bad. But joke’s on them nobody can make me look bad because I am so perfect.
My followers know that I am perfect and have always been perfect. I am a perfect husband and father. My super hot wife melania tells me how perfect I am all the time. She is always saying to me “Oh Donald J. Trump you are the most perfect husband ever. I am so lucky that you married me! Thank you so much for marrying me perfect Donald J. Trump! Thank you thank you thank you!”
Donald J. Trump and melania
Here is a picture of me, Donald J. Trump and my super hot wife Melania. She loves me more that anything else. She has told me many times that she loves me more than anything else in the universe. This is easy to understand as I look just as good as I did in my 20’s and I am a master at sex. When we have sex she tells me over and over again just how wonderful it was. Several times when we had sex she had to go to the hospital because she just couldn’t stop having orgasms.
I am also a perfect father, all my children are perfect and they all owe everything to me. I made them what they are and they are all super hot and super rich.
Perfect kids of Donald J. Trump
Here you can see how perfect all my kids are. This picture is actually wrong because I’m much taller than melania or my kids. I’m very tall.
Perfect President Donald J. Trump
I am the best President in all history the very best. No one is better than me that includes all presidents in all world history. I am the first perfect president and everyone know that. Every time I meet a new person the first thing they say is “Oh president Donald J. Trump! I love you more than anything else!! You are the best president of all time! We want you to be president forever! Please, please, please be president forever!”
Worst president of all time muslim obama
This is the worst president of all time he could not even pronounce a lot of the words that presidents need to say. He is so dumb. He is the dumbest president ever. I am the smartest president ever. People always say to me “Oh perfect president Donald J. Trump, you are the smartest president ever you are the smartest man ever! Please stay president forever! We need you forever!”
So now I hope you understand how the mirror universe is not a real thing. If it was a real thing I would know all about it because I am the smartest person ever. I know all science and science things. Nobody knows more about science than I do. All the other people doing science are dumb compared to me. If there was a mirror universe I would have figured out how to buy it a long time ago. Probably when I was a kid. I was the smartest kid ever. Even as a kid I was smarter than all the science people. All my teachers said to me “Oh Donald J. Trump, even as a kid you are the smartest person ever! You are so much smarter than all your teachers. Thank you thank you for teaching us teachers how to be smart!”
So now you know that I am the very best at everything. I promise you that I will be president forever. I am also immortal that means I will never age or get sick or die. I will never die. I will be president forever. I will do this for all the people in America because all the people of America know that I am the best president ever. I will be president forever because all the people in America love me more than anything else in their lives.
Thank you for your support. I will continue to be perfect.
Hello, My name is Donald Trump and I’ve come from the mirror universe to say I’m very, very sorry. (For those of you not familiar with the mirror universe, here’s the short version: the mirror universe is almost exactly like the one in which you live. We have the same history, the same people, for the most part. Whoever you are there’s someone here who looks exactly like you. But whatever personality type you are, they are the opposite. If you are brave, they are weak. If you are strong, they are weak. If you are intelligent, they are a moron.)
Which brings me to the purpose of my message. Please forgive me for appearing to brag. Generally I’m reticent to “blow my own horn”, but it’s important for your universe to understand just why I feel responsible for your version of Donald Trump.
If I am to be considered to successful, I can only point to having two loving and supportive parents. They gave me the tools to become whatever I am. They taught me to value the truth above all else, but not at the expense of other people. They taught me to always do my best and to also help anyone around me who might be struggling. They taught me that great wealth equals great responsibility.
Those lessons served me well, in business and my personal life. The business’s I started all did very well, both financially and in a much more important way: they helped people. They helped the people that worked for me and the clients we supported. But please understand, the staff of all my business’s are simply the best. I give them the tools and resources and they make the magic. Their devotion to each other, our clients, and to the business humbles me, and shows me how amazing people can be.
At different times friends, family, and co-workers have tried to push me towards public office. I resisted, as I didn’t feel my talents were up to the challenge.
In 2014, I finally relented and agreed to run for President of the ASA (Allied States of America). Realizing the great responsibility, I started building a team that reflected the values and standards that my family had taught me.
We were very fortunate and won the election. Now the real work began.
Our goals were challenging to say the least: End hunger in the ASA. End homelessness. End bigotry and prejudice. End poverty. Make sure every child born in our great country came into a world where they were safe, warm, all physical needs provided, and most importantly, loved.
We made great strides in my four year term, but it was my team that made all the good things happened. They made me so very proud.
But we were not able to accomplish everything we had wanted. To me, this made it clear that I was not the right person to lead the ASA into the future. I didn’t run for a second term.
I settled into retirement and fully expected to live out the rest of my years in peace. Having the opportunity to devote myself to my hobby, dimensional physics and advanced quantum mechanics. Time travel had been perfected some years ago, so that wasn’t the challenge. The challenge was to create a stable portal to another dimension.
It took 10 years but the project was successful. I asked some physics and engineering buddies to take my plans for the DP (Dimensional Portal) and make it a reality. They did just that.
Last year we made our inaugural trip between universes. Lots were drawn and my good friend Julie Love drew the lucky ticket.
The DP was configured and everything was ready. Julie stepped through the portal and was gone.
The portal allowed her 24 hours before returning. To our surprise she returned in three hours. As she stepped through the portal it was very obvious that something had gone terribly wrong. Julie was crying, wracked with convulsive sobbing. We did what we could to calm her.
When she could talk, she told us of the horrors she had seen. In that universe, (your universe) bigotry and sexism was rampant and actually seem to have governmental support. Homelessness, poverty, all the darkness that my universe had banished with the light of human compassion eclipsed the entire planet in hopelessness.
And at the center of it was me. This was all my doing. Yes, I realize that your Donald Trump isn’t me. But in him I could see many, many similarities.
It made me so very ashamed. Ashamed that anyone with the name Trump could stoop to do such things.
Shortly, we will begin to disassemble the DP. There’s nothing in your universe for our people except a grim reminder of what might have happened. But before we do, we needed to send this message. It not much, but it’s what we can do.
I’m asking your forgiveness for all the terrible things my team (as they exist in your world) has done to produce such horrible conditions.
For myself I ask no such forgiveness. If the Trump in your world is incapable of admitting failure, I will admit it for him.
I’ve failed you. All of you.
I’m sorry.
I will leave you with this one potentially bright spot; there is always hope. As long as some people in your America value the truth, compassion, and love, there is always hope.
This is something you CAN do. I’ve seen broken people rise up and become so much more than they thought they could be.
You can do that. All of you. You only have to believe and work a little every day to make things better in your area.
The same way I believe in the infinite potential of my people, I believe in you.
To understand The Doctor, you have to understand Timelords. Timelords are a mysterious alien race with the ability to navigate time and space. They are quasi-immortal in that when a Timelord becomes too old or is mortally injured, they don’t die. They regenerate into a new person. This new person may have a completely different personality but does retain all the memories from their previous incarnation.
When the Doctor regenerated in 2007 the regeneration process produced a surprise: The Doctor didn’t regenerate into a humanoid. He regenerated into a baby chihuahua.
The Doctor peeks at his new world.
Please understand that I knew nothing of this when The Doctor came into our home. All pets are a great gift and he was that. But he also behaved differently than any pet I’d experienced before.
Fearless Doctor
He was completely fearless. At that time we had two cats. One (Molly) was sweet and gentle.
Sweet Molly
One (Electra) was the spawn of hell. Electra ruled the house in no uncertain terms.
Non-sweet Electra
Until the Doctor arrived. The Doctor quickly made friends with Molly. As Electra had no friends, only subjects, she and the doctor came to a (rather violent) understanding. The Doctor came away with a slight injury (that bled a lot) and Electra came away with a fresh respect for Timelords.
The Doctor peeking from under the covers.
After resolving the Electra issue, the Doctor fell into a pattern of behavior that was pretty much like any other dog. He played, ate, slept, peed (A LOT. Somehow if he drank a teaspoon of water it generated a gallon of pee.), and defecated like any other dog.
Being a Timelord, he had a perfect sense of time. He always knew when it was time for food, even if I didn’t.
The Doctor waits patently for his food.
When it was time for food, he would find me (often in the TV room), sit, and stare at me until I fed him.
The Doctor, alone
Time passed, as did Molly and Electra. This left The doctor alone. He seemed happy and content. For awhile.
Lonely Doctor
Soon, he became less active and quieter. He could say so very much with his eyes. Now, there was sadness in those eyes. He could often be found rooting around where Molly and Electra had slept.
It was time for a change, an addition.
Mr. Blue relaxing
Mr. Blue joined our family and The Doctor was no longer lonely.
Really?
He was also not thrilled. He had graduated from being a rambunctious puppy to an adult dog (who is also capable of dimensional reasoning and time travel).
He was not very happy about having a loud, always in motion rat terrier intrude on his space.
Mr Blue and The (reluctant) Doctor in Doctor’s bed.
He was VERY unhappy when Mr. Blue decided to sleep in the Doctor’s bed, while the Doctor was in it.
The Doctor and Mr. Blue in Mr. Blue’s bed
But Mr. Blue was persistent. And soon they became a team. The Doctor had a new companion. His annoyance gave way to acceptance. He was more active and seemed to be his happy self.
The addition had worked. Mr. Blue and The Doctor were the best of friends and all was right with the world.
And then came Jack.
And then there was Jack
There was a momma cat and her kitten roaming the neighborhood. One day the momma cat appeared in the street, dead from an apparent encounter with a car. The kitten was soon scrounging for food and shelter.
Jack sleeping rough
He clearly needed a place to call home and we needed another cat. So we brought Jack into our home.
And soon, (sort of) we were all one big happy family. (sort of)
The team was complete and all was right with the world.
The Doctor says goodbye
But time waits for no one, not even Timelords. Knowing the end was near, The Doctor said his goodbyes, entered his Tardis, and left. He didn’t want us to witness his passing.
And so in November of 2024 The Doctor took his last trip in his Tardis.
Or so we thought.
Hello, old friend.
In December 2025, a new cat began roaming the neighborhood. Except that’s not quite accurate. He wasn’t really roaming as he seemed to exclusively roam around our house and seemed determined to get inside.
Old friends reunited
We weren’t sure why but Mr. Blue recognized him immediately. This was The Doctor, regenerated into a cat, a moderately uncommon cat, an American Bobtail. He was completely at home.
Our friend had returned and our family was again complete.
Just how are you supposed to walk away from the car?
The car that you had dreamed of, and finally owned?
Before that question is answered let’s look at the long journey to this car. (FYI: the images of the 2008 BMW 135i are for representation only.)
The original dream.
In 1978 I somehow came across an image of the current lineup of BMW vehicles. The M1 was BMW’s consumer version of the race car they were developing. It cost a stunning $25,000. To compare, the most expensive American car at that time was the Cadillac Seville Elegante cost around $18,000. The most expensive American sports car was the Corvette at $13,000.
That sticker price, might have well be a million dollars. So much for that dream. Time for a new one.
The new dream. The 1989 (yes, time has passed) BMW 635I. This is still the perfect example of a touring coupe. But this car was $50,000 in 1989. I did eventually make enough to buy a used one, but that was in 1999 and it didn’t make much sense to pay $15,000 for a used car.
The reality.
In 1989 A BMW did grace my garage. It was a 1982 BMW 320i bought for $2500. It replaced a 1984 Nissan 300ZX. (Don’t ask) To say it was a disappointment was a huge understatement. It was not fast. It handled well but was ultimately underwhelming.
Convertible #1
Time passed and in 2005 I had essentially given up on BMW’s. But not on convertibles. That year the stars aligned and granted me the opportunity to buy a new car. The 2005 Toyota MR2 was my choice.
It was a very fun car. But it had a shitty stereo and was NOT fast. Still, it was enough for a time.
Convertible #2
A few years later I was looking at a 2008 Honda S2000. My oldest son (the ultimate car person) suggested a 2008 Mazda Miata Grand Touring hardtop convertible. This one felt much faster. The hard top power convertible top was just so freaking cool. The stereo was still shitty. So this graced my garage till 2012. This is the car that made my baby cry.
In 2012 my wife broke down in tears when I was teaching her (at her request) to operate a stick shift. So I decided to buy a car with an automatic transmission.
I religiously checked CR and was amazed and delighted when they listed the 2008 BMW 135i as a reasonable choice. So I went looking.
This is what I found:
The dream, realized.
The BMW 2008 135I Convertible was the most enjoyable car I had ever owned. It handled like a dream. It was SUPER fast. It was a powered top convertible. And the topper was it’s sound system was as good as my home system. And it was an automatic so my wife could drive it. (Though she never did.) The funny thing is that this car used cost almost exactly the same as the BMW M1 did in 1978. Ironic.
I loved this car. I loved driving it, looking at it, just appreciating the fact that I finally owned my dream car.
But the years passed and they took their toll on my dream. The car’s electronics were groundbreaking in 2008. In 2026, less so.
Then it developed an electrical issue that would kill the battery overnight. The one bad thing (and it was a huge one) is that while this model was more reliable, it still required regular maintenance that was sort of expensive. An oil change was over $100. Any sort of repair was around $2000. So it was time to move on.
We elected to donate it instead of going the hassle of another repair and selling it.
The tow truck came Monday afternoon. The driver marveled at good it looked and how the power convertible top worked. (Had to lower and raise it one last time.) He hooked it up to his truck and drive away. I didn’t actually see that. Just couldn’t watch.
