NEG: So you had some questions?
Me: I did.
NEG: Go ahead.
Me: Umm, it would help if I could see you.
NEG: I don’t generally do visibility.
Me: Why?
NEG: Seeing me tends to fuck people up.
Me: Wow! Can’t believe you said that.
NEG: What?
Me: You know…the “F” word.
NEG: You mean fuck?
Me: Well yeah.
NEG: It’s just a word.
Me: Well… lots of people think you.. I mean people in general shouldn’t use that word in polite company.
NEG: Why?
Me: It’s considered a profane word.
NEG: Really?
Me: Yeah.
NEG: You know what words are really profane? Words like..
Me: I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you gonna go down the whole “nigger, jew, war, poverty, etc” road?
NEG: Well yeah, I was.
Me: Don’t you think that’s kind of tired?
NEG: I hadn’t really thought about it.
Me: Well it is just bit cliché.
NEG: Look, when you’ve been around as long have, it’s hard to not be cliché.
Me: I guess I get that. So I can’t see you?
NEG: I guess I could manifest myself in a form that might not fuck you up.
Me: That would be great!
NEG: How’s this?
Me: Umm… you look just like me.
NEG: I thought looking just like you would be less upsetting.
Me: Uhh… I appreciate the effort but it’s still a little creepy.
NEG: Ok, how about this?
Me: Oh My God! Wow! Sorry!
NEG: (Chuckling) It’s no problem.
Me: You look and sound just like Doris Day when I was a kid.
NEG: She was your first crush, wasn’t she?
Me: Well yeah.
NEG: So you like it?
Me: It’s cool. Man, it’s amazing!
NEG: Thought you’d like it. (reaches out to touch my leg) You know, if you’d like we could…
Me: We could what?
NEG: You know…. Fuck.
Me: (Slaps hand away) OH MY FUCKING GOD! DON’T EVEN SUGGEST THAT!
NEG: Why not? It’s always been your fantasy?
Me: BUT YOU’RE GOD! YOU’RE FUCKING GOD!
NEG: Right now I’m fucking Doris Day in her prime. Or more to the point, YOU could be fucking Doris Day in her prime.
Me: But you’re not Doris Day, you’re God!
NEG: I’m a lot of things. Right now I’m an attractive woman who would be more than happy to fuck you.
Me: I couldn’t!
NEG: Why not? It’s not like she hasn’t done it before. She’s no virgin.
Me: OF COURSE DORIS DAY IS A VIRGIN!
NEG: Sorry to burst you’re bubble. Of course I can be a virgin if you like…
Me: NO! NO! NO FUCKING!
NEG: (Laughing) I was just fucking with you.. I mean.. you know what I mean.
Me: Whew! That was weird.
NEG: You’re way too uptight.
Me: I’m sorry but I wasn’t ready for that.
NEG: How about this?
Me: Wow! Now you look just like Captain Picard!
NEG: Thought you’d like this better.
Me: Just don’t offer to fuck me.
NEG: Your loss. So this is better?
Me: Much better. It’s perfect.
NEG: Ok, so what questions did you have?
Me: Well…shit, I’ve forgotten them all.
NEG: Told you, seeing me tends to fuck people up.
Me: I had no idea.
NEG: So no questions?
Me: I can’t think of a single one.
NEG: No sweat, if you remember, you know how to reach me?
Me: Sure, just dial “Non Existent God” on the Batphone.
NEG: You got it. Later (beams out)
Me: Ok, that was cool!
NEG: (voice) thought you’d like it.
END
